I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
