His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
