The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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