yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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