She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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