Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
