he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
