i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
