My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize