I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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