My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
