and she was petting her beer can
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
