and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
