We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
