Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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