Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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