Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
