how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
