Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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