If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my being single is dangerous.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
