please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize