it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
