You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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