talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Your cock deserves a montage
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
