oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
