wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
