please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
tell me about the eggs
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