he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
