I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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