Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
