Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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