She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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