then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
