I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
