I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
