This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
