He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
