You just made me feel so damn special
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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