I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
