.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
