Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
