shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
