Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
