Fuck appropriateness.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
