Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
