is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
