just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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