Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
