if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
