saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
