he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
