I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
