we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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