I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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