I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
