OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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