I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
