All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
