Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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