; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
