Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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