After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
