I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
