Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
