sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
