Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
