Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize