I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
