Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
