I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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