I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
