Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
