I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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