Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
