Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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