right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
