I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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